[原创]虞美人·年关送君

山佳

<strong><font size="4">虞美人·年关送君</font></strong><br/>&nbsp;<br/><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><strong>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 年来雪送纷纷乱，凛冽风迎面。此行桑梓两</strong></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font><br/>&nbsp;<br/><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><strong>相疑，&nbsp;再问何时明月照君归？&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 站前挥手双无</strong></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font><br/>&nbsp;<br/><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><strong>语，望尽新车去。难遮满目白茫茫，恰似梨花卷</strong></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font><br/>&nbsp;<br/><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><strong>起任飞扬。</strong></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font>

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-1-20 18:24:25编辑过]

艾诗人

<p><strong><font color="#0000ff" size="4">站前挥手双无</font></strong><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><strong>语，望尽新车去。难遮满目白茫茫，恰似梨花卷</strong></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><strong>起任飞扬。</strong></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></p><p><strong><font color="#0000ff" size="4">----下片鲜活又,感人.</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#0000ff" size="4">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 问郎君鸿雁再归期----这句似可凿.问好!</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#0000ff" size="4">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </font></strong></p>

蓝天孤鹤

<p><strong><font color="#0000ff" size="4">难遮满目白茫茫，恰似梨花卷</font></strong>
                <br/><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><strong>起任飞扬。</strong></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></p><p><strong><font color="#0000ff" size="4">最喜此句!</font></strong></p>

山佳

问二位诗友好&nbsp; 改后如何&nbsp; 谢谢

梅心竹韵

<p><strong><font color="#0000ff" size="4">难遮满目白茫茫，恰似梨花卷<br/></font></strong>&nbsp;<br/><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><strong>起任飞扬。</strong></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font>
        </p><p>这个不错！问好：）</p>

潇湘渔歌

<p>"望尽新车去"句,"新"字在这里容易引起一些其他的联想:是不是诗人有一种羡慕、失落或嫉妒的感觉?其实是没有的；“尽”字，则容易让人觉得这是一个车群。因此，不如将此句改为“车去人犹伫”之类。一点建议，供参考。</p>

山佳

<p><strong><font color="#0000ff" size="4">站前挥手双无</font></strong><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><strong>语，望尽新车去。难遮满目白茫茫，恰似梨花卷</strong></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff" size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font size="4" style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff;"><font color="#0000ff"><strong>起任飞扬。</strong></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></p><p><strong><font color="#0000ff" size="4">----下片鲜活又,感人.</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#0000ff" size="4">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 问郎君鸿雁再归期----这句似可凿.问好!</font></strong></p><p><strong><font face="Verdana" color="#da2549">谢谢艾诗人&nbsp; 君&nbsp; 细评&nbsp; 改后如何?&nbsp;&nbsp; 问好</font></strong></p>

山佳

<p>"望尽新车去"句,"新"字在这里容易引起一些其他的联想:是不是诗人有一种羡慕、失落或嫉妒的感觉?其实是没有的；“尽”字，则容易让人觉得这是一个车群。因此，不如将此句改为“车去人犹伫”之类。一点建议，供参考。</p><p><strong><font face="Verdana" color="#da2549">谢谢潇湘渔歌&nbsp; 君&nbsp; 祥阅细评&nbsp; “新”是想表达：有了变化和有陌生 的感觉</font></strong></p><p><strong><font face="Verdana" color="#da2549">"尽”好引出下句&nbsp;&nbsp; 不知如何&nbsp; 问好</font></strong></p>