去夜未眠

梅庐 · 发表于 2006-11-18 13:50:03

昨夜莲塘约，邀来风作邻。茶丁陪水色，屏影有精神。窗白知秋冷，谁来衬早晨。推开身上毯，不见幕中人。<span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体;">2004<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">年<span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体;">11<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">月<span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体;">18<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">日上面的时间都倒流了两年，晕呢，再改一稿如下：去夜未眠昨夜莲塘约，邀来风作邻。茶丁陪水色，屏影有精神。窗白知秋冷，谁来衬早晨。去拾花间叶，不见网中人。<span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体;">2006<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">年<span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体;">11<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">月<span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体;">18<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">日

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-11-19 0:23:23编辑过]

景秀 · 发表于 2006-11-18 14:37:53

本帖最后由樱林花主于 2015-10-6 13:43 编辑

意好,起句悠然

蓝天孤鹤 · 发表于 2006-11-18 16:35:20

本帖最后由樱林花主于 2015-10-6 13:43 编辑

颈联可再酌？

梅庐 · 发表于 2006-11-18 16:46:29

问候两位，周末愉快^_^要斟酌的，今天在车上为：昨夜莲塘约，同邀风作邻。茶丁陪水色，屏影有精神。窗白知秋冷，谁来衬早晨。推开羊絮被，不见网中人。

孤砚生冰 · 发表于 2006-11-18 20:55:33

本帖最后由樱林花主于 2015-10-6 13:43 编辑

更喜欢首颔两联!问好!

梅庐 · 发表于 2006-11-18 23:53:26

<div class="quote">以下是引用孤砚生冰在2006-11-18 20:55:33的发言： 更喜欢首颔两联!问好!</div>问好，我再考虑后两联：）

梅庐 · 发表于 2006-11-19 00:22:10

再该一稿：去夜未眠昨夜莲塘约，邀来风作邻。茶丁陪水色，屏影有精神。窗白知秋冷，谁来衬早晨。去拾花间叶，不见网中人。<span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体;">2006<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">年<span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体;">11<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">月<span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体;">18<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">日

山下诗人 · 发表于 2006-11-19 13:24:37

本帖最后由樱林花主于 2015-10-6 13:43 编辑

其二更觉顺畅

弗庵 · 发表于 2006-11-19 20:53:37

本帖最后由樱林花主于 2015-10-6 13:44 编辑

去夜?

梅庐 · 发表于 2006-11-19 20:54:38

夜来未眠。不能？

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