[原创]踏莎行 韵梦
本帖最后由 樱林花主 于 2015-10-6 17:28 编辑<TABLEcellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=168 border=0 x:str>
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<TD class=xl24width=168 height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>滑鼠轻移，</FONT></TD></TR>
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<TD class=xl24height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>银屏闪卷，</FONT></TD></TR>
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<TD class=xl24height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>红橙黄绿牵睛选。</FONT></TD></TR>
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<TD class=xl24height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>神游韵海意犹浓，</FONT></TD></TR>
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<TD class=xl24height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>不闻鸡啸嘻晨犬。</FONT></TD></TR>
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<TD class=xl24height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2></FONT></TD></TR>
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<TD class=xl24height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>浸韵情深，</FONT></TD></TR>
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<TD class=xl24height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>卧床辗转，</FONT></TD></TR>
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<TD class=xl24height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>推词逐句消魂拣</FONT></TD></TR>
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<TD class=xl24height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>苍天不负苦心人，</FONT></TD></TR>
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<TD class=xl24height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>挥毫飞墨文章显。</FONT></TD></TR></TABLE>
本帖最后由 樱林花主 于 2015-10-6 17:28 编辑
<P>呵呵!</P><P>谢谢大家如此热心点评!</P><P>我当改善!</P><P>如下何如!</P><P><TABLE 126pt; BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=168 border=0 x:str><COLGROUP><COL style="WIDTH: 126pt; mso-width-source: userset; mso-width-alt: 5376" width=168><TR 14.25pt" height=19><TD class=xl24 #d4d0c8; BORDER-TOP: #d4d0c8; BORDER-LEFT: #d4d0c8; WIDTH: 126pt; BORDER-BOTTOM: #d4d0c8; HEIGHT: 14.25pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" width=168 height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>滑鼠轻移，</FONT></TD></TR><TR 14.25pt" height=19><TD class=xl24 #d4d0c8; BORDER-TOP: #d4d0c8; BORDER-LEFT: #d4d0c8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #d4d0c8; HEIGHT: 14.25pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>银屏闪卷，</FONT></TD></TR><TR 14.25pt" height=19><TD class=xl24 #d4d0c8; BORDER-TOP: #d4d0c8; BORDER-LEFT: #d4d0c8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #d4d0c8; HEIGHT: 14.25pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>红橙黄绿牵睛选。</FONT></TD></TR><TR 14.25pt" height=19><TD class=xl24 #d4d0c8; BORDER-TOP: #d4d0c8; BORDER-LEFT: #d4d0c8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #d4d0c8; HEIGHT: 14.25pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>神游韵海意犹浓，</FONT></TD></TR><TR 14.25pt" height=19><TD class=xl24 #d4d0c8; BORDER-TOP: #d4d0c8; BORDER-LEFT: #d4d0c8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #d4d0c8; HEIGHT: 14.25pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>不闻三更追呼犬。</FONT></TD></TR><TR 14.25pt" height=19><TD class=xl24 #d4d0c8; BORDER-TOP: #d4d0c8; BORDER-LEFT: #d4d0c8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #d4d0c8; HEIGHT: 14.25pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2></FONT></TD></TR><TR 14.25pt" height=19><TD class=xl24 #d4d0c8; BORDER-TOP: #d4d0c8; BORDER-LEFT: #d4d0c8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #d4d0c8; HEIGHT: 14.25pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>浸韵情深，</FONT></TD></TR><TR 14.25pt" height=19><TD class=xl24 #d4d0c8; BORDER-TOP: #d4d0c8; BORDER-LEFT: #d4d0c8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #d4d0c8; HEIGHT: 14.25pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>卧床辗转，</FONT></TD></TR><TR 14.25pt" height=19><TD class=xl24 #d4d0c8; BORDER-TOP: #d4d0c8; BORDER-LEFT: #d4d0c8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #d4d0c8; HEIGHT: 14.25pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>推词逐句消魂拣。</FONT></TD></TR><TR 14.25pt" height=19><TD class=xl24 #d4d0c8; BORDER-TOP: #d4d0c8; BORDER-LEFT: #d4d0c8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #d4d0c8; HEIGHT: 14.25pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>皇天不负苦心人，</FONT></TD></TR><TR 14.25pt" height=19><TD class=xl24 #d4d0c8; BORDER-TOP: #d4d0c8; BORDER-LEFT: #d4d0c8; BORDER-BOTTOM: #d4d0c8; HEIGHT: 14.25pt; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" height=19><FONT face=Simsun size=2>挥毫飞墨文章显。</FONT></TD></TR></TABLE></P>
本帖最后由 樱林花主 于 2015-10-6 17:28 编辑
<P><FONT size=2>滑鼠轻移，还是觉得这样要好些：）</FONT></P><P><FONT size=2>不用客气的，北社的特点就是大家不拘束的互相讨论，多关注啊：）</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=2>推词逐句消魂拣</FONT></P><P><FONT size=2>句句见得苦吟之辞，有心如此也感。不过为诗太强，或心性不顺，有失自然 ：）妄言</FONT></P> 本帖最后由 樱林花主 于 2015-10-6 17:28 编辑
<P>同意楼上言</P><P>也颇多现代：）</P>
本帖最后由 樱林花主 于 2015-10-6 17:28 编辑
上片云一夜临屏，下片云清晨乃睡，最后若写梦中得字句或遇诗人是否好些
本帖最后由 樱林花主 于 2015-10-6 17:28 编辑
楼上之言，想来确有好感矣，待楼主：）
本帖最后由 樱林花主 于 2015-10-6 17:28 编辑
用意好，但入词句有些强力感，可于心体念，再从改来。
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