大江流 发表于 2007-2-7 09:24:37

[原创]岁末咏雨.感怀

本帖最后由 樱林花主 于 2015-10-6 10:16 编辑

<p style="BACKGROUND: #f7f7f7; WORD-BREAK: break-all;"><font size="4"><span style="COLOR: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="宋体">岁末寒未尽</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;">,</span><span style="COLOR: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="宋体">小雨先探春</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;">.<p></p></span></font></p><p style="BACKGROUND: #f7f7f7; WORD-BREAK: break-all;"><font size="4"><span style="COLOR: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="宋体">初来凉风细</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;">,</span><span style="COLOR: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="宋体">再试微尘惊</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;">.<p></p></span></font></p><p style="BACKGROUND: #f7f7f7; WORD-BREAK: break-all;"><font size="4"><span style="COLOR: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="宋体">云深结天幕</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;">,</span><span style="COLOR: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="宋体">雾重连海城</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;">.<p></p></span></font></p><p style="BACKGROUND: #f7f7f7; WORD-BREAK: break-all;"><font size="4"><span style="COLOR: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="宋体">不敢登高望</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;">,</span><span style="COLOR: black; mso-ascii-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hansi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;"><font face="宋体">恐伤客者魂</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma;">.<p></p></span></font></p>

梅庐 发表于 2007-2-7 11:04:27

首联不错，颔联颈联着近远细微处，似乎没有“探春”的意味。不能浑然一体，有游离之感。妄言了

傲啸客 发表于 2007-2-7 11:11:15

本帖最后由 樱林花主 于 2015-10-6 10:16 编辑

<p style="BACKGROUND: #f7f7f7; WORD-BREAK: break-all;"><font size="4"><span style="COLOR: black; mso-ascii-font-family: tahoma; mso-hansi-font-family: tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: tahoma;"><font face="宋体">不敢登高望</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: tahoma;">,</span><span style="COLOR: black; mso-ascii-font-family: tahoma; mso-hansi-font-family: tahoma; mso-bidi-font-family: tahoma;"><font face="宋体">恐伤客者魂</font></span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: tahoma;">. <p>——这个也不错！</p></span></font></p><p>——这个也不错！</p>

大江流 发表于 2007-2-7 11:39:05

本帖最后由 樱林花主 于 2015-10-6 10:16 编辑

<strong><font color="#000000">梅庐兄评的及是,本来想写点欢快的,但是到后来却变成沉郁的调子.也算是:离愁年年算不净,一见春雨最伤心吧</font></strong>

艾诗人 发表于 2007-2-7 16:48:48

本帖最后由 樱林花主 于 2015-10-6 10:16 编辑

&nbsp;&nbsp; 稳健,喜欢颈联.问好!

梦落疏篱 发表于 2007-2-7 22:11:08

本帖最后由 樱林花主 于 2015-10-6 10:16 编辑

韵脚不对,律也有出:)

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