潇湘渔歌 发表于 2006-8-23 10:08:36

答沧江化碧君，颈联已作修改。谢谢！

沧江化碧 发表于 2006-8-23 17:19:41

<FONT color=#1b0044><STRONG>九宇逡巡无驻处，</STRONG><FONT face="Times New Roman"> <STRONG><FONT color=#330055> </FONT><FONT color=#330055><FONT face="Times New Roman">经年</FONT>缥缈未还家</FONT></STRONG></FONT><STRONG>。漂亮！未还二字还有磨练余地。意思递进则更佳。某抛砖引玉，<FONT face="Times New Roman" color=#330055>经年缥缈宁知家？楼主悟性颇佳，自当有妙语连珠。</FONT></STRONG></FONT>

梦落疏篱 发表于 2006-8-23 21:17:53

<P><FONT size=3>人生几度青云路？<FONT face="Times New Roman">   </FONT>秋水长天看落霞。<FONT face="Times New Roman"> 赏好结!</FONT></FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="Times New Roman">颈联意近,可再酌:)</FONT></P>

潇湘渔歌 发表于 2006-8-24 08:25:01

<P>现改成这样子了，看是否合适——</P>
<P 86.25pt? tab-stops: 1; mso-outline-level: 27pt; TEXT-INDENT: 0pt; 0cm>秋   云<o:p></o:p></P>
<P 86.25pt? tab-stops: 1; mso-outline-level: 27pt; TEXT-INDENT: 0pt; 0cm><o:p> </o:p></P>
<P TEXT-INDENT: 0pt; 0cm 1.0? mso-char-indent-count: 12pt;>片片飘行出海涯，<FONT face="Times New Roman">    </FONT>一时絮羽一时花。</P>
<P TEXT-INDENT: 0pt; 0cm 1.0? mso-char-indent-count: 12pt;>萍踪浪迹风吹影，<FONT face="Times New Roman">    </FONT>世事星河浪卷沙。</P>
<P TEXT-INDENT: 0pt; 0cm 1.0? mso-char-indent-count: 12pt;>九域乘龙播甘雨，<FONT face="Times New Roman">    经年</FONT>寄意向谁家？</P>
<P TEXT-INDENT: 0pt; 0cm 1.0? mso-char-indent-count: 12pt;>人生几度青云路？<FONT face="Times New Roman">    </FONT>秋水长天看落霞。<FONT face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></P><br>
[此贴子已经被作者于2006-8-24 8:27:00编辑过]

处州竹鸣 发表于 2006-8-24 09:22:54

<P><FONT size=3>白龙苍狗风吹影，<FONT face="Times New Roman"></FONT>世事星河浪卷沙。</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3>九宇逡巡无驻处，<FONT face="Times New Roman">经年</FONT>缥缈未还家。</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3>人生几度青云路？<FONT face="Times New Roman">   </FONT>秋水长天看落霞。<FONT face="Times New Roman"> </FONT></FONT></P>
<P><FONT face="Times New Roman">大气、含哲理。欣赏！</FONT></P>
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